last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
