I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
