i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
