I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
