how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
