did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
