I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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