I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
