I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
