I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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