I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
