I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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