Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
