Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
