she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
