I just cut my nipple shaving
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
