So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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