Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
