I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
