I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
