No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
