there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
