he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
