all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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