my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
