Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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