She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
