what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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