My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize