it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
