he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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