Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
