Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
