I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
