fuck your aforementioned shoe
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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