I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
