my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
