I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
