If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
