I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
