No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's paper in my vomit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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