went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
