hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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