JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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