rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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