If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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