i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
