You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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