You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
