He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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