I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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