She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
