so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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