went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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